Who are you wearing?

Again as the moneyed Zionist corporate juggernaut that is the business we call show sashayed its bloated, greedy manicured trotters down yet another red carpet, we are coming to an end to yet another (amazing?) awards season.

We've had the Brits, the Baftas, The Golden Globes, and now to cap it all off the daddy of them all in a shower of bastards, THE OSCARS! Woooooooooooo!

As the 'elite' (read rich) of Hollywood moved its way down the red carpet into yet another junkets of free stuff most people could only dream of owning (see this for a fucking laugh ), the same bloody question was uttered again and again by the permatanned sycophants and paid lackeys, who spend all their time on the wrong side of the rope while all the while silently loathing those up whose anus they have shoved (willingly) their tongues. Hollywood's sphincter is as clean as a supernova of brand new 50ps. 

This is Hollywood Baby where you too can see the pavements littered with gold........... sorry but I've been to Hollywood, and the streets where these stars sauntered into the Oscars are littered for the other 364 days of the year by people dressed as Darth Vader or Captain Fucking Jack Cunting Sparrow selling pictures for 10 bucks a pop.

Or Rats

Or Tramps

Hollywood can be summarised this way, look at HBO's Entourage (albeit a brilliant show just for Ari Gold). The premise of this show was simple-  a doe eyed fucking NooYoiker actor lands in Hollywood with his buddies and builds a life for himself. Jesus If it wasn't for Ari Gold's scenes this show would have been canned ages ago. Instead we have 8 series' of Vincent Chase either
a) fucking his co star reverse cowboy
b) fucking some bint he met in a shop reverse cowboy
c) blagging free shit (the product placement in this show can only be described as pornographic)
d) moping about his immense mansion because he doesn't have any of the above at that precise moment.

so either Entourage is criminally brilliant as a send up of Hollywood or the Caligula-esque summit on top of the showbiz mountain.

" so Madonna you look FAAAABBBULOUS! who are you wearing?"

" remember that kid I bought in Africa?"

What have the Brits ever done for us?

JESUS ADELE, YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT...
Adele, after her hydrochloric enema

Two or three things I have to get off my chest originating from the piece of televisual shit that is the Brit awards.

The Brit awards are never and have never been a show about good music as. They've always been a arse liking operation for the big record companies cash cows, Cowells musical atrocities and a monument to the

Radio 1 A list. 

We never have and never will relate to any of these vapid empty cunts they fall generally into three main categories:

Manufactured group types:

These mugs are trying to masquerade as legitimate music. Stuff like the loathsome JLS (jedward have more musical integrity), The wanted, Steps, S Club 7, il divo etc.  They ALWAYS win awards and sob like day old babies at their perceived "success" and "recoginition" NO! You're getting the equivalent of an employee of the month award from you're faceless fucking paymasters. They all deserve a hydrochloric enema.

Maudlin singer songwriter types:

This I have to say is the blight of the current era.  They existed long before this but have never been so heralded as they are at the moment. They have some talent they may write their own songs but they are every bit soulless, middle of the road and embarrassing as the manufactured groups. They're held up as "legitimate" but the intellectual bankrupcy of writing a trite song about love lost which is not taken from personal experience and is written on a purely fiscal basis is as bad as the manufactured fuckheads.

I hate all of these cunts intensely.

• Adele lardy cunt fucks off her boyfriend and whines about it. Where do you get the fuck off?? 
  
• Ed Sheeran Standard bedwetter he scores 8 ricicoles on the Damien Rice maudlin scale
• Jessie J Talks about it "not being about the money" whilst charging for her single warbles FAR more than is needed.
• Katy Perry overplayed bollocks

Fading or legitimate bands:

These guys usually always win the lifetime achievement award OR there's a well regarded yank doing the headline.  The people who can actually play, but hopefully, like Cliff Richard, they're dying inside.

There are loads of good bands both today right up until we were kids you'll just never see them at these events unless they fall into the final category there'll be...

No Iggy and the Stooges.  No classic Bowie spiders from mars fame. No Arcade Fire. No Interpol. No Pogues. No Smiths. No Therapy. No Nine Inch Nails. No Pixies. No Smashing Pumpkins. No Johnny cash. No Def Lepard. No Maiden, etc.

Vanessa Feltz. My arse.

Now that's tight

I only eat the exact nutrients my body requires. Consequently I have never shat. My arsehole is tighter than Vanessa Feltz size 12 bra.

Oh Australia, where art thou?

Kirk from TOWIE confuses Down Under
and his cock. Again.

One of the early submissions on this blog was the lamentation over the bare emotions mined mercilessly by the Syco corporation. This hulking behemoth has no moral compunction about using any means to promote their oddly unemotional product.

An example???

Bemoaning shambolic, stumblefuck Frankie Cocozas bad singing (probably because of his fucked head) and morally judging his childish, misogynistic views on the left hand. On the right hand egging him on mistakenly comparing him to a young Jagger, driving him to night clubs, filming him in a coked up funk, then feigning disgust. How did they help this broken drug addict???… by shafting him of course…. did you expect any less from the person who willingly keeps Louis Walsh in full time employment.

During the Cocaza meltdown the background whir of a camera could be heard pleading for those salt salty tears. Demanding public snivelling contrition. Hounding this tramplike misguided cumstain. 

He was last spotted in the only place this type of person can hide (outside of the Australian outback of course) in the celebrity big brother house. A kind of Betty Ford clinic for the chronically short of exposure. It’s hard to sympathise with our hapless protagonist but he isn’t the one our ire should be reserved for. It’s the tossers with the pie charts who buy Heat magazine and abhor anything that doesn’t appeal to the lowest common denominator.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.  Another breaking wave from last year is ebbing away from our televisual shores and the flotsam left behind is every bit as bad as the discarded nappy of naked emotion. You can’t have missed it. It is of course the choking stench of stupidity. More specifically the glorification of rank, obvious stupidity. Last year a television show called the only way is Essex won a BAFTA. Take that in for a minute… a fucking BAFTA.

The format is a simple one and like most modern TV shows its genesis was a complex process of audience analysis, demographic profiling, painstaking research and shameless wholesale theft.

Robbing an idea from our American neighbours of filming “real people” in semi scripted situations that roughly follow the decisions taken in their real lives it was kinda like an RPG with amazing graphics but less believable characters and set in a dystopian world you would instantly wish to carpetbomb…. “pioneering” shows such as “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills”.

The stars of these shows hail from two ends of my hate spectrum and some from both.  The loveable simpleton and the bourgeois millionaire scumbag.

TOWIE, as this cancer has become known, is especially simpleton heavy. This may be a symptom of the Jersey Shore effect where thick wankers were held up as status symbols and viable sexual partners rather than being trepanned and farmed for meat.

Obviously the truancy services in Essex in the 90s and 00s were totally under-manned as there is no way any of these wankers attended any type of school. Basic knowledge of any type is considered offensive and is ridiculed among these people. Their only concerns appear to be obsessive personal hygiene bordering on the autistic, the acquisition of wealth through no effort on their part and being completely incapable of maintaining a lasting relationship with another human being.

They have branched out.  Far from remaining in their natural habitat of ITV 2, the channel Stewart Lee fittingly described as a failed state, they are being hawked around to fill in gaps in shows that until recently did OK using normal people as contestants.

Family Fortunes had a Celebrity version with a TOWIE moron team Joey Essex attempting to work out how to hit a cow’s backside with a fucking banjo and failing spectacularly. Rather than castigate this amoeba the crowd went into raptures when he managed to get ONE (1) question right. Remember this is Family fucking Fortunes there are 10 correct fucking answers for every goddamn question.

This bleeding effect is TVs tacit confirmation that being a dumbass is now vogue with each channel clamouring to find their own home grown dumbass to “awww shucks” at.. tumours forming everywhere like the dreadful Geordie Shore and the terrible Desperate Scousewives.

This takes us full circle back to Celebrity Big Brother where we are witness to a fully grown adult man (Kirk from TOWIE) unable to identify the CONTINENT of Australia on a world map.  Rather than get this functioning retard the medical attention he desperately needs we will be told that because of his earning potential WE are the fools and in a way they’re right.

We are fools for letting Russ Abbott and Harry Enfield caricatures become real people. We are to blame for introducing a generation to the quick celebrity, flush your pride process of modern fame. We are to blame for Katie fucking Price.

We can take the world back and it starts here.  There is a line in the sand. Thus far and no dumber.t

Soccer racism: Bernard Manning takes a break from being dead to speak out

Next week, birds doing lines men,
what the fuck ist that about?!

Fuck me, what’s all this racist bollocks all about?  In my day we knew what real racism was and this bollocks is fuck all like it.  This Evra fellow is French and plays for Manchester united and he’s worried about being called a fucking nigger?  He’s got bigger fucking things to worry about if you ask me!  And this Luis Saurez, how the fuck do you pronounce that?  It’s like reading a plate of alphabet spaghetti!  And what fucking colour is he?  He’s reminds me of a young Des O’Conner except Luis is probably funnier.  Anyway, a bigger question I have is why we have all these foreigners playing in the English Premier to begin with?  We’ve all gone soft!  And fuck me I was turning so fast in my grave when I heard the Arabs had bought Man City I fucking struck oil.  I’m surprised the players don’t arrive on the pitch on fucking Camels!  I certainly had the fucking hump!  I was never short of a few bob when I was alive but these clubs are selling their souls to the devil if you ask me.  There’s only one team who enjoys being associated with the devil in the Premiership and they’re fucking cunts!

The famous racist Luis Suarez

Holy fuck, it's a nigger

Fair play to him? Fair play my hairy cock.

As soon as Patrice Evra stuck his head above the parapet to bring this disgusting racial abuse to the attention of the authorities the liverpool response has been a disgrace.  they tried to besmirch evra's good name and claimed suarez the racist was innocent.

The unholy trinity of commoli, daglish and suarez the racist told lie after lie to the FA when they were investigating the charge and when the FA found that he was guilty they claimed it was one man's word against another and went on a ridiculous charm offensive, parading their happy little nigger glen johnson in a suarez the racist t-shirt before a game after suarez the racist was found guilty, when the findings were published the unholy trinity again tried to claim that it was suarez the racist's word against Evra the innocent's, in spite of the evidence finding that suarez the racist had used racist language against him and the evidence that suarez the racist himself gave where he admitted using racially motivated language during a heated contretemps.

Fair play? Don't make me laugh.  It shames me to say this about a once proud club but liverpool are the lowest of the low, leeds, millwall and chelsea have got more integrity than that joke of a club.  But what would you expect from a club who tried to line their own pockets at the start of the season to the detriment of the poorer clubs.

How galling must it be that chelsea are showing a lot more decorum in the face of JT the racist's charge than liverpool could ever muster.

Will we have a minute's silence at anfailed for the los of their dignity?   Will they balls.

Fair play? Don't make me laugh.