why do you cry?

A question uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 2 to a young Edward Furlong.

Surprisingly enough young Eddie was not bawling because of the imminent nosedive his career was about to take after his appearance in the movie. I have been thinking about this question after watching it recently and have decided that the reason we cry has changed inexorably in the past ten years.

Only Americans cried up to 1997.
 After Lady Diana's death and the national (ie English) outpouring of mourning, people thought it was okay to cry.

Now if some one farts out of tune on the X factor or their mum's a single parent, coldplay fade in and the person dissolves into a blubbering mess.

This trivialisation of people's emotions for our pleasure sickens me. It's all Cowell's fault. Since his Stalinistic rise to power he has single handedly been the puppet master of the UK's national psyche. you can't turn on the news now to see everyone crying these days, blokes too.

Now this may sound callous but wait and think, perhaps in the old days, when I was a kid people were dying left, right and centre and families were featured on the news on a daily basis. I think that when these poor people broke down the director turned off the camera to leave them to grieve in piece, or the editor made it so that we were not privy to their private emotions and feelings. To sum up, it was called respect.

This has led to a breakdown in society, there are no corners to hide respect in anymore, if we were in the corner......................................



cue Adele

David Cameron leads European apologies*

David Cameron has today issued a groveling apology to French President Nicolas Sarkozy having been overheard referring to him as “a complete fucking cunt” during discussions to end the debt crisis deadlock at the European Parliament.  This follows an embarrassing week for European leaders who have been having trouble keeping their cool during long hours of intense talks.

Nicolas Sarkozy on Angela Merkel after a closed door meeting yesterday:

“I imagine her cunt smells like a cross between a bratwurst and an airing cupboard but I would still fuck her.  Who could resist leading a French cannon into German territory for a change?”

Silvio Berlusconi on Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel after their well-publicised “Smirk”:

“If those two fucks insult me again I’ll fucking stick my cock so far up their fucking asses they’ll choke to death.”

Greek Foreign Minister Stavros Lambrinidis on other European leaders as an agreement neared completion:

“They are all abso-fucking-lutely great.  I love them.  Can I have some money now?”

* Disclaimer: All the above is fucking true.

V for Vendetta? More like C for Confused!

As Occupy London but not the Tents continues on the grounds of St Paul's it somehow looks a bit futile. A pointless waste of time, sort of like filling in a job application.

Like all these protests be they anti-G8, anti-3rd World Debt, anti-Globalisation, anti-Iraq War, anti-Banks, there is one consistency. The protesters consistently don't know what they want, let alone how to get it.

They are consistently incoherent and inarticulate about their aims and motives. If you listen to their arguments/logic it difficult to understand how anyone can give them what they want because they clearly don't yet know.

What is left is speculation. Speculation about their grievances.

Maybe it is the behaviour of the banks, irresponsible lending. Lending too much to people who had too little. The proposed solution is that the banks should start lending again. Turn the tap back on and once again lend too much to those with too little. It's strange how the solution looks a lot like the problem?

Maybe the current problem is not the lending but the aggressive repayment, high security required and high interest rates despite the historic low on Threadneedle Street.

Maybe the grievance is the bankers bonus and the governments' response of bank bailouts. On both counts the the concern is not green-back greed but the green-eyed monster. Jealous eyes on the bankers bounty and the financial support to keep the irresponsible lenders sort of lending. Here the rallying call is why them and not me.

Maybe the grievance is public spending cuts to fund the bailout. But then again those most concerned with public sector cuts are not the ones who use public services, but those who spend the tax they didn't earn to deliver sub-standard, yet expensive public services. Strange how the public sector workers cry foul over cuts but also complain about pay and pension constraint. I have yet to see the public sector strike over long hospital waiting lists, excessive bureaucracy, inefficiency or excessive taxation. But pay and pensions now that's a cause worthy of downing pens for.

Ironically Occupy Wall Street like the previous anti-globalisation protests has went global. It is a convenient catch all for the disaffected. But despite some global support, until their non-elected spokes-people can figure out what the problem is, it is unlikely that a solution will be found.

For their sakes let's just hope they are more articulate on their job applications that they are when they speak to the global media.

Gaddafi buried in a secret location in the desert

Dinner time conversations in Libya

Kid: what's for dinner?

Parent: Not sure, let's see what we have in the freezer.  Mmm, there's pizza, fish fingers, Col. Gadaffi, yes I think we'll have Col. Gadaffi.  I have some nice salad that will go well with that.

Kid: I don't like salad.

In the beginning...

In the beginning there was chaos, disorder, confusion. People who barely knew each other assembled as if by no wiser guiding intelligence than the roll of destiny’s capricious dice. It was a lot like the Liverpool defence.

Then over the course of many years the forces coalesced into a recognisable cosmology where each element interlocked and complimented each other to a greater or lesser extent. Usually lesser.

We are a diverse collective. 

Our universe boasts a holocaust denier, an evolution denier and, most offensive of all, an alcohol denier.

Our insatiable thirst for knowledge takes us into esoteric areas of exploration. One is a home brewist, one is bird beater (not that kind), one is call centre connoisseur, one has forgotten more about Count Duckula than you can ever hope to know.

Then there are the professionals the journalist, the police man and the teacher. Sense is a world full of nonce.
Our mission is to outrage, misinform, rant, profane and provoke. But our defining precept remains immutable: Make us laugh.

This is our manifesto.
Terms and conditions do not apply.